Peas and carrots. That's the phrase his mother

Peas and carrots. That's the phrase his mother used. "Wash your peas and carrots." Knowing that Eva was a vegetarian and this might be the night, he was afraid.

Afraid of what a good washing would do and if Eva had a loofa. He giggled. Eva, loofa. Loofa, Eva. It was like an introduction of two magpies in love with their shoe tree.

This was as far as Eva would get even though she's been surgically enhanced with extra frontal lobes. Chimpanzee's would never achieve Human intelligence no matter how

much more attractive they are than human females. Those extra long chimp arms, extra big chimp lips, extra extra big ears and hairy backs. Mmmm, why if I had one here right now I'd

make you a chump for a half-brother without a second thought. My father, a primatologist referred to the result of mating a chimp and a human a "chump", an apt monicker I admit.

We made fun of him a lot for that. I called him chumpy mcchimpy pants, chumpster, and chumpaliscious. He killed himself in 1994. I feel kinda bad. Like I'm responsible. I did load

his personality into a chatbot program, so I could feel like he was still alive today. It really made me feel better. I called the bot triple chump, chumpstain, and chump

But after the bot started to ask me if he would ever be a real boy I had to put it down. Its too much work making objects into real boys and I am rather lazy. Aftewards

my trusty toaster and, as it turns out, some whole-grain intel bread colluded in my demise. But if I'm still posting, why isn't Houdini?