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I have all the Elton John life-size collectable

  • I have all the Elton John life-size collectable "living dolls" from the Tyrell Corporation. My favorite is Tiny Dancer - she's SO tiny, only comes up to my knee, and holds me

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  • captive with her pirate smile. I made a mistake. Serious mistake. I put the tiny dancer figuring and put in the cupboard with the Indian. And well, you can imagine the disaster.

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  • Shiva was meditating and didn't pay any attention to it. Lord Ganesh did and removed the obstacles. Then I was banished to Coventry. I lived there the rest of my life.

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  • Twenty years later, I did venture out one time to rescue Lord Shiva from a flea bitten tearoom on the outskirts of Mumbai. He was drunk & going on about Oppenheimer again. "He was

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  • soooo pretty," Shiva slurred, before vomiting into a sock drawer at whoever's party I was attending. Am I really such a wallflower that gods have to talk to me? Does my forehead

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  • lose its flavor on the bathroom floor all night at somebody's house who had the party go off the rails. To be fair, I also sold a few Buicks from that bathroom floor. Those before

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  • -and-after shots went viral. BEFORE: Me lying on the bathroom floor selling Buicks at a party. AFTER: Me driving a Buick through Cancun with a parrot on one shoulder and Charo on

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  • the pavement, bleeding. Because I ran him over. Because that bastard still owed me money. For lunch. Because I wasn't about to take any guff from a stupid parrot-eating man in his

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  • basket of lies. Because that pompous buffoon with his bodacious pompadour had gone too far. Because I was raised to right the wrongs of others. He. Had. To. Pay.

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  • He didn't pay.

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