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Every time I turned it off was a chance for

  • Every time I turned it off was a chance for it to die peacefully, only to be revived again by the jagged jaws of my father’s jumper cables.
  • It makes me realize how much it must suck to be an old person.
  • Seriously! I haven't heard an old person yet who isn't sexist or racist. Let's grab something to end their lives with early next week.
  • Early June by the latest. I've really got to stop procrastinating on this. There's a handful of soft talkers over on 74th Ave that I've been meaning to exterminate for months now.
  • I'm thinking it would be fun to push them in front of buses. Not during rush hour of course, there's a certain etiquette to this. I need more time to mull it over, time to
  • really consider my options, my career. They say the best time to push someone in front of a bus is right when they're about to eat a slice of key lime pie. Perhaps I'll buy one at
  • the Black Market next door - if I were going to eat the pie I wouldn't sacrifice quality for price, but all I wanted was to see Jerry plastered to a fender.
  • And so I bought the cheapest, messiest pie at Cheap Gag Mart and waited for the unsuspecting Jerry to walk around the corner. PMFFFFT! I stuffed it in his face just he was
  • walking around the corner. That's how I imagine it anyway- in s l o w m o t i o n. His foot appears,then his knee,I let fly with the pie. His face appears. Too late! It's not Jerry
  • Springer anymore. It's Jerry Seinfeld. I shudder in a cold sweat, but the pie lands on his face. Public humiliation for him, but the guilt forever remains on my hands. Or knees.
Started
2011-02-02 02:24:40
Finished
2011-09-12 21:03:02

1 Comments

  1. Avatar

    m80 May 28 2013 @ 12:18

    A fan has posted this story in FoldingStory Illustrated Vol. 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKxoqFpM4AA

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