A salute your shorts marathon was on at the

A salute your shorts marathon was on at the same time there was a convention for Magic the gathering

'. So I had a tough choice to make. Finally I decided to run in my shorts to the Magic Convention, aware i wouldn't be able to score on that marathon. But when they refused to let

my overwhelmingly pale legs in, for fear of blinding the attendees, I pulled my shirt up too. "What's that? I'm too white for the Magic Convention?" My Portlandia DVDs fell out of

of my satchel...i thought of my favorite characters...the lesbian bookstore owners and smiled in wardly. I rustled them back into my satchel and scurried across the convention floo

tracking soot everywhere in little rat pawprints. "God is watching you," an elderly woman warned me. I told her to eat spam baby. Nobody talks back to the rat king! Nobody! Do you

Know how he likes folding stories? You should be following his example and folding stories, young man." The Rat King loved finishing old stories. It kept his brain cells active.

All three of them. "But I don't want to fold stories!" the little rat bastard cried, "I want to scare the hell out of people, eat all of their expensive cheese, and leave dropping

s of rat sh--" "Children, no swearing allowed!" Mrs. Cheese reprimanded. She continued: "No excuses, you need to finish folding your stories or else

the big bad kitty will gobble you up. Ratty raised her hand. "Yes?" "Well Mrs.Cheese, I'll just give the old bugger a good one two." she swished her fists. Catfood raised his hand.

Mrs. Cheese closed her eyeswearily, pretending not to see, but knowing that she would have to eventually call on Catfood. "Yes, Catfood, you may be eaten first," she answered him.