The black clouds were rolling up above. I

The black clouds were rolling up above. I could hear the crack of thunder. I was cold, hungry, and tired. Still, I pushed on. I needed to get out of the rainforest and back to

the place where it all began -- the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning struck a tree close by, scattering flaming vegetation like shrapnel.

Pulling a TEC-9 from within his robes the reverend showed his dedication. "SONS OF WHORES!" he shrieked, bullets shredding ipods, hollister shirts and the mass of tweens to pieces

- it truly was a gruesome film. Not that I minded, the more children's hind ends that were introduced to the Giant Cheese Grater of Bal'Atorish, the closer Alice moved to me.

Unfortunately, my weak stomach minded. I threw up a rainbow river of Sour Patch Kids all over Alice's receding hairline. Realizing that chivalry was a lost cause, I reached for

my good friend Bill Cosby. If ever there was a time when I needed a Jello Pudding Pop, this was it. With a cool, but hearty smile, my sweater-wearing friend gave me a delicious

frozen treat and a swift kick in the tuckus. "Look like a fool with your pants on the ground and put that hat on straight." Cosby was slightly crabby in his old age. "Hey, hey, hey

" had given way to "Hey, hey, hey, knock it off." Cosby just wasn't funny anymore. Ever since he'd had to apologize publicly for a sexual assault he just couldn't make show busines

show business anymore. It was the start of the end of a career that had lasted way too long. A show that bears your name, should only last three years. It's like marriage, after