"If I wanted a lemur I would have asked for

"If I wanted a lemur I would have asked for a lemur..." he exploded, exasperated. The young girl took a step back from the counter. "Oh alright, you said he could be fitted with

a machine gun and a bread maker.". "What for?" he asked. "Well, I have an ailing mother at home who absolutely loves pumpernickel." she explained. "Where is the

harm in blowing away a few ass-hats if I can give my mom a few more moments of happiness before she dies?" He just stared at her. He knew her mother and she smelled like brimstone

because she refused to use conventional ovens. She cooked in the hearth. It was really hard to do Hamburger helper in a cauldron, but somehow it just tasted better than

using a rangetop or microwave. She had banned both from her home in an attempt to "bring rustic back." The hearth and cauldron were cumbersome, but furthered her goals to

go back in time when things were simple and you could count on people. Inside the house, the enticing smell of the soup she was preparing made her stomach growl as she waited for

the phone to ring. She knew it wasn't going to be good news but she had to find out the truth once and for all. How would she explain that

she hadn't answered the last 12 times it had rang. Would waiting change the news she dreaded to hear? Procrastination had worked well for her when

city's public safety robo-call system telling everyone that the snow emergency parking ban had been lifted. Not the call she was waiting for, but she had survived the storm.