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I have a hard time distinguishing needs and

  • I have a hard time distinguishing needs and wants. I needed to prove something to Sherry, so I ate a whole box of brown sugar. Now I am

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  • hallucinating because my blood sugar level is at fifteen hundred. This was the first time I heard my pancreas talk to me. He had an accent.

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  • Sounded like he hailed from Scotland. Maybe Ireland. Either way, he had my attention. The accent was thick, and the words were muddled. But the meaning was clear. He wanted me to

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  • "hoch a glate kektull O gkoogies," whatever the fuck that meant. I stared hard at the sausage-eating potato-headed Mic and pretended to nod in agreement with what the hell he was

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  • trying to tell me. You'd have to be a straight up languish to even begin to understand what was going on, not to mention slightly under the influence to truly grasp the concept

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  • you don't even understand what are you doing here, don't you. But I don't blame you, you are as stupid as your stupid parents, teachers, society, and media, and shit want you to be

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  • Now, take me for instance. Do you know how hard it was to work my way up and become head janitor? It took brains, kiddo, lots of them. I didn't waste my time slaving over books

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  • . No sir. I swept the floors collecting the dredges of your learning, the spit balls, love notes, and gummy wads under the seats. I scraped it together & chewed it until my saliva

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  • Cleaned up the black goo. This was what you told me to do. Until it stops raining, I will go get coffee. Its amazing how technocracy works, 100 years later. I feel creeped out. A

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  • bit of black goo stains my fingers. I scrub them with hot soapy water until they're raw but to no avail. I tell my boss that the aliens have marked me. He let me leave early, yay!

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