I had been walking for about twenty minutes,

I had been walking for about twenty minutes, when suddenly I felt

and then I realized that everything was a dream

that's why I started eating so much grass, I was always flying like a cow

But when I switched to eating alfalfa exclusively my bovine aerodynamics were off the chart. No cow had ever flown so far of so fast. They had to go all the way back to the siege

of Abilene to find cows famous enough to recall. They say the Abilene cows were faster than a black-tailed jackrabbit; of course, they were drunker than a skunk when they said it.

Thing is, sayings about Abilene cows uddered by those drunker than skunks are more useless than tits on a boar hog. And anudder thing is, *pause to chug XXX whiskey jug*

"That's a jug, not a dug, bwah," Horton says to me, he says. So I up and punched his lights out fer talkin' 'bout my Mama like that. And then Mama punches him, so I gives her a

high-five, right as we was standin' right over Horton's plug-ugly mug. And Mama, she says to me, she says "Son, it ain't who yer hit, it's how hard yer hit 'em," and I ain't never

saw anything like it, but Mama, she done popped that Horton in the nose, as hard as her wafer-thin arms could muster. “Mama,” I says solemnly, swelling with great pride, “you’s th

ird place in this contest I will give you this medal made from bronze an combination of tin and copper. Jameson's pancakes and syrups have got first place and ben's beans second!