Ten years ago today, I went on a cruise to...

Ten years ago today, I went on a cruise to...

Argentina. It was my first cruise. Our next stop was Eldorado. My brothers that day had been extra annoying, pretending to throw each other overboard, even after being warned.

what am I supposed to do this whole time, gosh first my parents take me on a cruise and pay for it.... I hope they don't expect a thank you because I couldn't even bring all my

yeezy's

I needed to buy them because I had to have the best gift for my girlfriend.

I asked my friend if he had an extra three thousand dollars I could borrow. He said, "Yeah, but no. I'm not going to help my bud with some purely transactional relationship. If she

could only take me out on a date. I wish I had a pair of parmesan flip-flops.The are SOOO expensive. I beg to the illiminati every night so he will get me a pair. I want a date.

Then one day, January 23rd 2020 just fell onto my lap. It fell off the Dingleberry-a-day calendar on my desk at the plastic injection place. There was a phone number on the back. I

foolishly dialed the number, which was 1-800-KILLYOU. A guy named Dom answered. He told me he was tracing the call and would be right over to bump me off. I ran. I’m still running.