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I was deep in meditation, surrounded by bamboo

  • I was deep in meditation, surrounded by bamboo and tweet tweet birdsong. Just prior to reaching samadhi a rabid panda bites me in the ass. I achieve enlightenment but as a half
  • -panda half-human monstrosity, cursed with a craving for steak and potatoes but only able to digest bamboo. At night I roam the bamboo forests, gulping enormous amounts of bamboo
  • and reflecting on the Chinese economy. I've made some pretty amazing observations but because I am a panda, I can't communicate with humans. I tried using my scent glands but
  • they just tried to make me mate with Arnie a panda who, you know, I'm just not into. Then Alan Greenspan visited my cage, out with the grand kids. He'd understand me. I posted a
  • little poster. It was very crudley done, since my monkey friend had to make it, but it said to Alan,basically: GET ME OUT OF HERE! Even a koala could write that, and they aren't
  • even able. Little Monkey stared pitifully at Alan, tilted it's head & pointed his banana at the poster. "OK, little fella," said Alan. "I'll rescue you, but you have to pretend to
  • be my traveling companion." The little monkey nodded yes. Alan gave him the banana, &they rode together in the rickshaw to the airport.And then it got odd. Alan told the monkey 2
  • crawl into his pants if he wanted another really really big banana. The monkey scrambled into his pants and Alan quickly took his belt in another notch, sighed pleasurably, and
  • let the monkey go to town. If anyone ever found out his penchant for lets call it "monkey" business he would lose everything the only problem was that he couldn't stop it all felt
  • so amazing that he was hooked. He was getting off on the thrill of monkey business, which landed him on the show Strange Addictions, where your mother was a camera women.
Started
2012-09-05 16:28:37
Finished
2013-03-05 14:39:44

4 Comments

  1. Avatar

    MangoMania Mar 05 2013 @ 17:00

    and that kids, is the story of how he meet your mother.
  2. Avatar

    lucielucie Mar 05 2013 @ 17:09

    Alan Greenspan met your mother?
  3. Avatar

    MangoMania Mar 06 2013 @ 13:00

    Alan Greenspan is your father. I was just continuing my fold in the comments, because I ran out of characters. Alan Greenspan was a good choice for someone saving a Panda concerned with the Chinese economy.
  4. Avatar

    lucielucie Mar 06 2013 @ 15:24

    Ta

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