Belated birthdays were his way of saying

Belated birthdays were his way of saying that he liked you, but passive aggressively wasn't really interested in carrying the friendship forward to the next birthday. Also, farting

in the car when you are alone is preferred by the likes of the super villainess, Oprah Winfrey and her sidekick Gail. She loved road trips, but she cherished alone time allowing a

skipping down the street singing Offspring songs and playing slug bug. When they saw a naked Santa Claus ringing a bell and playing with a Mexican Yo-yo. When he saw them

he winked, long and slow, right in time with his Christmas Bell. They whimpered and clung to one another, but the worst was yet to come. "Pretty Fly," screamed Santa Claus, "for a

child we shall fly." Off they went like an F-16 with a tiger in it's tank. Pretty was not your average fying farret. He like Rudolph had a bright light for a nose, and a

a bowel that could produce enough force to ignite the Cotton Bowl. Sadly, he had not eaten properly and fell to the ground like

dying boll weevil, legs in the air, slightly splayed, toes pointed inward, only one toenail painted bright red and chipped, badly in need of pedicure. Why He had one toe

who thought he was some kinda Mafioso. "Yo kid", he would tell the toe with the painted toenail, "if you don't cut that out this second, the nail won't be the only red thing."

With those words, the toe detached itself from the foot and slithered away. The mafioso turned around and started counting the money he got from the cashier at the beauty salon.