I woke up in the morning feeling a little

my new transmogrification device... AAaaaa! Scheiße! My teeth have turned into glowing purple tentacles... how on Earth am I going to explain this to my

dentist? Actually dentists fix teeth & I haven't got any now so... Spitze! No more dentist! The glowing purple tentacles also were good for Zungenküse & all the boys at Gymnasium

had moved on from weights and machines to stretchy strappy exercises -- but even before I suggested kettlebells, the young hot guys said: no worries, Magda, your fluoro denticles

will be sculpted to perfection if you use the new Tug Toner. I saw it at Walgreens last week, you can even YouTube the commercial right now. Look at my beautiful

ly shaved chihuahua. His musculature is so pristine. I lather him up in banana boat tanning lotions and take him to old folks homes just for the

free soup. Jumping Jehosephat, the navy bean & ham at Gertrude's Idle Pastures is like you've died and gone to heaven. Oops, guess you're not supposed to say died in a convalescent

home. Gertrude gave me a sweet toothless grin and was just happy I liked her soup. She secretly had a desire to take her soup nationwide and put her picture on the label just lik

I had in the past, but the company was a failure. With its fall I had felt a resonating cool through my body which lasted to this day, my attempt at business, like Gertrude's soup,

was cold, stale, and lamentable at best. I have since retired, but not without one last beckon; Much like her soup, Gertrude laid lifelessly on the floor, my knife in her chest.