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"Shoot the tentacles to open the core." What

  • "Shoot the tentacles to open the core." What did that mean? It surely wasn't the least ambiguous advice I had been given, but I took it to heart - I reeled in my lure, cocked my
  • vintage Seattle Mariners baseball cap jauntily to the side, and aimed at one immense grasping tentacle with my ever-absent father's old 30.06 rifle. The 150 grain bullet ripped
  • through the rubbery flesh. Suddenly, (that-which-should-not-be-named) pulled a Saturday Night special from its beaked maw. We were in for a major gun fight. "Let's Roll!" I yelled.
  • And jumped into my Battle Bot. The (that-which-should-not-be-named) cackled and charged me. I engaged the new program that I wrote from watching Bruce Lee movies and was ready
  • as I'd ever be. Inside my kung fu battle bot, I charged back, straight for that-which-should-probably-remain-nameless. We were in a classic game of chicken only the stakes were
  • higher as they'd ever been before. I got my supersonic Ultra-Orange fased laser and blasted the damn chickens into oblivion. They tried to defend by throwing eggs at me, which I ma
  • de into a lovely omelette. In horror, the surviving chickens watched as I devoured their tasty offspring.
  • Who drank the juice as sucking a waterfall. My beard was dirty food, and people look at me with astonishment.
  • Equally astonishing was the reaction from the crowd gathered at my feet.They looked up at me. Why, it even seemed they adored me! Apparently the waterfall juice transformed me into
  • a Justin Beiber/ Jessica Alba lookalike. My newly found popularity helped launch my music/acting career. With fame I was able to help raise millions for charitable causes.

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