"Shoot the tentacles to open the core." What

"Shoot the tentacles to open the core." What did that mean? It surely wasn't the least ambiguous advice I had been given, but I took it to heart - I reeled in my lure, cocked my

vintage Seattle Mariners baseball cap jauntily to the side, and aimed at one immense grasping tentacle with my ever-absent father's old 30.06 rifle. The 150 grain bullet ripped

through the rubbery flesh. Suddenly, (that-which-should-not-be-named) pulled a Saturday Night special from its beaked maw. We were in for a major gun fight. "Let's Roll!" I yelled.

And jumped into my Battle Bot. The (that-which-should-not-be-named) cackled and charged me. I engaged the new program that I wrote from watching Bruce Lee movies and was ready

as I'd ever be. Inside my kung fu battle bot, I charged back, straight for that-which-should-probably-remain-nameless. We were in a classic game of chicken only the stakes were

higher as they'd ever been before. I got my supersonic Ultra-Orange fased laser and blasted the damn chickens into oblivion. They tried to defend by throwing eggs at me, which I ma

de into a lovely omelette. In horror, the surviving chickens watched as I devoured their tasty offspring.

Who drank the juice as sucking a waterfall. My beard was dirty food, and people look at me with astonishment.

Equally astonishing was the reaction from the crowd gathered at my feet.They looked up at me. Why, it even seemed they adored me! Apparently the waterfall juice transformed me into

a Justin Beiber/ Jessica Alba lookalike. My newly found popularity helped launch my music/acting career. With fame I was able to help raise millions for charitable causes.