I wasn't cut out to be a Teppanyaki chef.

I wasn't cut out to be a Teppanyaki chef. My flaming onion volcanoes collapsed, my jokes fell flat, and on multiple occasions I damaged a child's eye with an errant shrimp toss or

spatula slip. Even my sake bombs bombed. But when I went to turn in my oversized chef's hat my boss sat me down. He said "Listen, Teppanyakihopper. There are many paths

atans around here. A Pathsatan is an evil creature who creates forks in all the paths you take so you get lost." My boss said, "take off that stupid chef's hat." He then showed me

the secret entrance to the 'underwire caves.' "The Pathsatan doesn't know about these caves" said my boss. I threw him my chef's hat and ran for it. Oddly, the caves

turned out to be the shadows cast in other, even larger caves. And those caves, in turn...after 10 ^24 iterations of this recursion I was exhausted and in need of sustenance. My

brain recalled that stalactites were calcium deposits, and try as I might, no milky residue would satisfy me. How pro-natalist. How did human beings ever evolve this far? The cave

Had paintings on the wall that anonymously passed on messages the Fairy King and Queen. In pictures, luckily. I was illiterate in heiroglyphics, like my co-spelunker. Fascinating

, how one could avoid awkward situation. Yet, the way the Fairy King was staring as me was startling. He was looking into my soul for the real truth.

I felt the power of the Fairy King's stare, and it scared me. I did not care to have him knowing all of my secrets. What if he found out about my desire to be