I attached the blood flow sensors to his

I attached the blood flow sensors to his genitals & then asked him to sit, blindfolded, in a chair. "You are going to experience a wide variety of scents," I told him. "Just relax

" and a raw hot dog smell entered his nose. He opened his mouth. "Shhh, relax." A strong smell of capers. His blindfold was tight. Blood flow sensors lit up like a Christmas tree.

"It will only hurt for a week." A symphony of noises enveloped him, a string quartet performing in Hell. Then raspberries, vinegar, asphalt, myrrh. This was a scotch tasting like

Bathtub gin, 1929 vintage. His uncle made bathtub gin, the story went. It tasted awful, his mum told him long ago. Nonetheless, it was a source of income he could always depend on.

"Uncle Bubba's Bubbly Bathtub Gin -- eases the pain and cleans your drain." His wife Bertha agreed to it as long as it paid the bills and didn't land him in the slammer.

But one day she tried to bathe their baby, Tiny Bubba, in the bathtub gin by mistake. This did not kill him, but made Tiny Bubba into a ukulele star almost overnight. People came

from the far reaches of the world just to hear Tiny Bubba play in the bath bubbles with his ukulele. They even wrote a song about him called Sukiyaki. The bathtub gin faded and he

found himself reading Camus naked in a dry tub chain smoking Gallois cigarettes and making the occasional angst filled moans. The Other Sex had him in a fetal position and begging

for a strong mothering figure to prevent him from developing such an unhealthy relationship with his sexuality in the first place; but he was who he was, and he just really enjoyed

eating cheesecake with salami. If he was aroused when eating it, well,what can he do? He was cheesecakesalami-sexual and the world should accept that love has no boundaries