Voiceover: “Are you one of the tens of

Voiceover: “Are you one of the tens of tens who suffer from Phantom Mustache Syndrome?” Alex Trebek, listening, air-grabbed Wheat Thins crumbs from his upper lip. “PMS threatens

to overcome Frigidness as the top insult against women." Alex Trebek smiled, he was right. But he wasn't original. He was Magnum PI's doppleganger. He wanted to do something real

macho. Something that said, I'm not bitter. The lady to his right was glowering at him. He chuckled and whispered,"Don't want me to stare at your tits? Don't wear writing on yo

ur slutty shirt." The lady tapped the guy next to her. Oh damn. He was a bodybuilder. I was so screwed. The lady looked smug.

"So what do YOU think of my shirt?" she asked as she thrust her enormous ta-tas in his beefy-looking face. But he was a gay bodybuilder & didn't take the bait. I laughed & pointed

. His pecks were bigger than hers. They were offended, but on Venial Beach such insults were forgiven. The gay Beafcake made the sign of a wave & the busty broad put on aftershave

& Pitbull arrived in a gold-plated Mercedes. But as he stepped from the door, his head fell from his neck and split open, revealing assorted candies. The revelers screamed and

Lunged towards the candies. The pitbulls formed a union and demanded better food, without GMO additives. Their owners shadowed the additives and tried unsuccesfully to track them.

They seemed to be out of options, at least until one of their tracking hounds caught the scent of a pitbull. Now it was time to end this riot once and for all. Everyone

raced after the pit bull, but he was smarter than them and escaped. They had no more jam and were getting hungry. So they gave up and went back home.