I'm sorry I am late for practice coach, I

I'm sorry I am late for practice coach, I was hungry and just ran over to the stand for a waffle. I don't think 25 push-ups in the slush will make me a better ski racer. Maybe we

"Silence!" he screamed at me. "You'll do 50 push-ups in full gear and then put a fresh coat of wax on my Rossignols if you want to stay on this team!" I swallowed the last bite and

said, "Knock off the drill Sergeant routine. This is a bowling team! I joined this team because I'm fat and lazy. I'm here to eat nachos and drink beer and maintain my athletic

reputation with the ladies at the office. When I show them my special three-fingered screwball throw they always role their eyes but I can see they are impressed. So pass the 18-

pound baby with a smile to one of the ladies and comment on his adorable blue eyes and how he would grow up to be a basketball player because he looked so skilled already

I mean , the lengths that some people will go to so they don't have to mention the baby's head spike. Basketball? Maybe if they can afford to replace the balls that little Zippy

broke over his oddly-shaped head, thanks to that head spike. Still, it was a good thing Zippy had it. As an infant, his cranium took an inordinate quantity of basketball hits.

He had horrible flashbacks of those long winter nights, when his dad would stand there and dribble a basketball off of his head for hours. He needed a therapist..

But more than that, he needed a cup of coffee, and the best place for that was Joe's Roastery. He strolled across town in his invisible shoes, prompting passersby to stare in awe

They proclaimed him the second coming with his ability to float a few inches above the ground. Sadly, he never got that cup of coffee, no shoes - no service.