As the water from the rain poured into the

As the water from the rain poured into the sewer, a man climbed down a manhole completely smashed from tequila and vodka. Due to his drunken state, he did not realize that he was

scream and run around in a circle dressed in a large banana suit screaming "IM A BANANA !"

because he lost a bet

he had to go gay

because his parents only accepted non-straight children

in a grand slam play at "reverse psychology" banking on his rebellion to drive him to being straight

or at least bisexual. It was all a ruse, because he wanted to get Claire the hell away from him and rebels are always easy patsies. They're like a 50s Edward Cullen, more beatnik.

He grabbed her, but she reacted strangely. Claire wanted to stay with the rebels.

"I can take you away from all this," he said as he pulled the Confederate Flag off the bed. She looked at the brass buttons on his blue uniform and just gave in, Union forever!