In the year 2828, the Turtle of the Baskervilles

In the year 2828, the Turtle of the Baskervilles was spotted by low-grav ski tourists on the shores of a Martian lake. The Tharsis Ridge Condo Association reported the sighting to

Stephen Hawksbill. Through the hole in his long-necked sweater, he said, "This Turtle would bring Yertle and Blastoise to their knees!" The Martians laid out flypaper to trap it b

efore it could utter another pathetic joke. Stephen was stuck to the Martian fly paper. Giant Martian redneck kids watched him writhe. He was stuck but he had to pee so bad.

Plus it was hotter than a sheep's butt in a pepper patch up there. "Hurry up, I'm fit to burst," said Stephen, crossing all six legs. But the flytrappin' redneck Martian kids

weren't green like your typical Martians you see on TV. Stephen decided that the redneck Martian kids would

Be helpful for chores you cannot do. This included cleaning the gutters, shovelling the snow and mowing the lawn - among others. Remember "My Favorite Martian"?

Sure wasn't that a "Hey Nanu nanu! Martians are as witty as Shazbots from Sioux City?" It's such a chore doing things like Earthlings.You take out the trash.Why not transmogrify it

into tonight's dinner? Or did you do that already? Was that what we ate? Your transmogrified trash? Didn't you tell me last week that with 3 teenage daughters your trash is mostly

in the form of the teenaged boys that come to ask them out? So are you saying that we have cannibalized these teenaged boys, and that's why we all feel so horny and oily?

(The last folder ponders: "What a difficult question! It's like, 'Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?'" and after four minutes decides to write:) Maybe