I knew one day this would come, the lettuce

I knew one day this would come, the lettuce finally took her sweet revenge! As her great leafy head loomed over my sprawled limbs I begged her, "oh merciful lettuce creature,do you

have it within you to forgive me?! How was I to know that lettuces were sentient?! Let me live!" She shook her head back and forth and gestured at my compost pile. It was littered

with the corpses of dead vegetables. Little lettuce families slaughtered by the dozen. I hung my head in guilt. "What are you going to do to me?" I asked. In response she raised

my salary by 3000. "thats for using your initiative. I people like you. The second war of the vegetables will come soon and it will be long and bitter." I asked to be excused. My

god was I ferociously sanguine about the whole thing. I wanted to destroy evil endive, I wanted to root out rutabagas march them off to the ovens. I wanted vegetable vengeance

I would start with romanesco and kohlrabi first. Endive, I would save for last. I strapped on my Vegeradicator 9001, buttered my kneecaps, and shaved my nipples. It was time.

The sun was about to rise and I knew it was now or never. The world will finally know! I climbed up the tallest building in the city and once at the top, unfolded the massive flag

of my new sovereign nation. I didn't care that no-one would recognise it. This tower block had been claimed for Flaggania! I got my photographer to snap a majestic sunrise shot of

the fiery star cresting over the McDonalds and casting an "M" shadow over the parking lot. Cheeseburgers were my newly-declared nation's prime export, and as the king of Foldovia I

declare every meal a happy meal & in each happy meal there shall be a fortune cookie & inside the cookie my folds to edify & nourish the populace of Foldovia. So be it!