In the cold depths of space there lived a

  • In the cold depths of space there lived a strange little man. Wise with the knowledge of all creation, he lived on an icy moon surrounding a strange, purple world. His name was

  • Husker the Omniscient. All he wanted was a woman to warm up his icy lair... with love? Is that how this "love" works? Love was Husker's omniscience blind spot. No Purple Planetians

  • for him, no way! Not since that thing with firecrackers and maple syrup. Husker was sensitive anyway. Sure he was an ice beast, but he had a heart. And he was going to find love

  • in Canada. Somewhere a bearded woman must be just waiting for him to find her! Husker was chosen to become The Canadian Bachelor. He was the first ice beast to star on the show.

  • "Husker, Ice Beast! welcome to Canadian Bachelor!" "Behind this paisley screen, three lovely bearded lasses are willing to have a date with you!" Husker chewed the microphone.

  • Then he chewed on each of the three girls. A new trio was recruited and placed behind the screen, and this time Husker was carefully muzzled before the introductions were made

  • Husker Du performed their new "Candy Apple Grey" album in its entirety. Bob Mould was phenomenal on guitar. The trio was lionised by the critics at the Golden Arcade of Bowler Hats

  • but not without a hullabaloo from the French Beret Front of B&W Striped Ones. Their leader, Du Bist, pointed out that none of them were bowlers. A fact that he was proud to shout.

  • One of the French Berets spat out his cigarette and laughed scornfully. "I am not a bowler, Du Bist, but you, sir, are no boater!" A cloche hat in the back row tittered nervously.

  • The cocked hat slid forward, “You, my Dear, are NO Icelandic tail.” Stetson felt a bit uneasy shouting, but she was no Fascinator. . .in the boudoir, she was just a half hat. . .



  1. MadWorld Aug 27 2017 @ 21:46

    Hats in every closet, everywhere. Hats make the World go 'round.

  2. LordVacuity Aug 28 2017 @ 00:43

    But that half would beggar any hatter or at least drive them mad.

  3. SlimWhitman Sep 11 2017 @ 05:19

    Hat's off to this story.

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