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Bail was set at $100,000. I was facing life

  • Bail was set at $100,000. I was facing life in prison. I admit, I made a mistake, but why is touching a sleeping woman on a plane have such strict penalties?

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  • I mean, it all took place under the crappy Delta blanket. After this whole incident, the flight attendant wouldnt even give me any of the cookies. You know, the Delta cookies?

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  • Those cookies that have an almondy flavor with a VERY mild hint of banana? The monkey that I stowed in my pants for the flight was getting angry at the thought of not getting one.

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  • Before I knew it he was trying to fight his way out - punching and kicking and biting! So, I turned to the guy next to me and said it has a mind of its own.

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  • When the doctor came in, he said it was time for delivery. I was hoping to get some major pain meds without the need to stick a needle in my back.

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  • "Wow, you do look big. Is this your first time having a baby?" I nodded my head between the searing pain. The doctor clapped his hands. "Me too, where are those salad tongs?"

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  • He thrust in a tong. "Hey doc, wrong hole. Peruse Gray's Anatomy before you have another go, eh?" "No way, ma'am. I have something called "can do" spirit." My baby was kicking

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  • me in the face and thats when i decided that im only eleven so i should go give my pet unicorn a walk

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  • my unicorn was so exited when we were going for a walk at one point i lost my unicorn

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  • when it went down the most boring alley imaginable, as it turned out. Meanwhile I went through worry, anger, abandonment, despair, internet frenzy, and grief. But it did return ...

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