As Jeff bundled up to go out in the snow,

As Jeff bundled up to go out in the snow, he reflected on what was taking him out there. He'd always been opposed to abortions, and now he was going to have to perform one.

"Just what dy'a think your doin' with my Bessy?" said Farmer Joe shotgun in hand. At this point it became clear to Jeff that the paternity of said heifer was not so clear.

that was because it had a cow's head with a human's body. Apparently Zeus had gotten drunk (again) and had a roll in the hay with Farmer Joe's cow. Farmer Jow pointed his shotgun

at the beast's head. "I don't know what or who the hell you are, but you best be gettin' your ass off my land." Farmer Joe looked down the sight of his gun and prepared to fire.

The thing calmly observed Farmer Joe and said "Sir, you've just brought a gun to a transphasic torpedo fight." Farmer Joe said "Huh?" and promptly evaporated. The farmer's daughter

fluttered her pretty eyelashes. "Well, ain't youse the sweetest thing?" said the farmer's daughter. She led the invader behind the barn and clobbered it with a frying pan,

in a fit of xenophobic abuse. The "invader" came to locked inside the barn with various other species: two Vulcan diplomats, a clanger, ALF, a timelord, a couple of gungans and

Wallace and Gromit! Gromit, being sensible, assessed the barn and deeming it a hallucination, he deftly removed his pipe from his pocket and dumped the contents. He looked at

Wallace and began to cry. "I've borne so, so many years of this shit for you," he said, "Trousers and everything. Because I love you. And all I ever wanted was a fucking bone."