It was the day THEY came. No, not the zombies,

They were a rancid lot. More twisted machines then men. They'd sold their humanity for an androgynous fantasy. The Belibers were well armed, organized and focused on one thing

Team Edward or Team Jacob?

Edward of course.. eternal life, the fast metabolism and beast like body. What is there not to like? His icy flesh? I'm sure you would like Edward's icy skin in the summer.

but what about the winter? Jacob got that werewolf fur.

I can't imagine what Bella was thinking in being best friends with him. Oh yeah, that's right. She got dumped by the sparkly ice-cold vampire. Even when she was ready to give him

her ovaries so they could get a surrogate and have a half vampire human baby. Bella, what a stupid clutz. Bill rushed in "Sookieh" he yelled and they yelled "WRONG FRANCHISE"

they all yucked it up, but actually they did find a fertility clinic willing to help. Bella's testtube halfbreed would be fathered by "my monster" said the unscrupulous Dr. Frank

N. Stein. I didn't even think it would be possible as his monster was an effeminate eunuch. Regardless, he insisted on trying to make his monster copulate with the test tube.

The monster persisted to no avail, and began to cry. "Stop simpering, and keep at it!" he screamed, then began crying himself. "I must earn a Nobel prize before I die, I must!"