"Better living through chemistry," said the

"Better living through chemistry," said the man in the lab coat to the staring camera lens. Eyes glittering & smile polished, they gave credence to the promise his words spoke.

It was all a front. the senior chemist in charge of ambiogenesis had cooked up a primordial soup which failed to form self copying molecules, so he cheated and added

, with a gasp, his reproductive cells. The results were glorious. Thermal energy radiated from the petridish to suffuse his features and he saw worlds upon worlds. My God, he was

fat. He had reproductive cells that weighed like 38 pounds. I mean, just one, cell. Think of that. I mean, damn. I'm no supermodel but that dude needs to tighten it up.

Seriously though, no amount of "Yo Mama" jokes could come close to describing this guy, but even so, no-one thought that his obesity would somehow become a threat to all mankind...

Well, it was too late now. The rotund man was about to be the cause of the destruction of earth, all because the aliens thought Richard Simmons was our leader. "Thanks, Porky," Joe

Pytka never thought that his movie "Space Jam" would be the sole source of info that the aliens would have to learn about Earth. Since Richard Simmons has become a recluse trapped

inside an attention whore's body, we've had to make contingencies to bring in less known cartoons off the bench. Puma Pete, for instance, had great stats for free shots. His ACME

Squirrel Trap routines were always a hit with the public. But Puma Pete himself was poorly drawn and too bad-tempered even to laugh at, so the cartoon network canned him. Out of

Sheer spite Puma Pete convinced his creator to sketch a picture of the networks head office, which Puma Pete doused in petrol and eagerly set fire to it and danced around its ashes