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If I could back as an animal I would come

  • If I could back as an animal I would come back as an octopus and hide in my ex-girlfriend's tub so I could
  • suction my self onto her naughty bits like the big octopus in that woodcut from Hokusai. I figured she'd dumped me for the guy who lived in a cephalopod due to his way with inkjets
  • which is understandable since he worked with printers for a living, but come on! I invented the laser printer! Desperate to make her love me, I attached a laser to my testicles and
  • shot a round, but my pants caught fire. "Liar, liar!" she yelled. "What's your real job?" "Um... I'm a profile portrait model," I said. That career went up in smoke as my nose grew
  • inward, making me resemble Ralph Feines's portrayal of Lord Voldemort. Turns out that's not a real turn-on for most folks" "Yeah," she said, "I see what you mean" "Plus, the way yo
  • ur veins bulge up underneath your skin and those colourless eyes... You should consider a hair transplant and an irisfiller. I think green would be a pretty colour. Your hair shoul
  • d easily fall out after i rub my hands every so roughly like a frickin madman while daydreaming of the delicious cat-head biscuits to come later on, but now i have to focus on your
  • appetite for gauche Van Gogh macaroni artwork which you insist is pronounced like Gagh, the living worms that the Klingons eat, yet they can't cure Picard's baldness in the future
  • episodes? The director threw his hands up in exasperation. Incompetent fools! This was not going as he had anticipated. "Get Steve on the line," he demanded, dragging his fingers
  • over the emergency eject button on his executive chair without realising it. The director was ejected through the roof and 20 metres in the air. Life is so short.

1 Comments

  1. SlimWhitman Feb 14 2013 @ 12:31

    The guy who lived in the cephalopod... http://foldingstory.com/b7v66/

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