"Welcome to Cannibal Cafe. Our special tonight

"Welcome to Cannibal Cafe. Our special tonight is a Limb Burger topped with Limburger and toematoes." Andrew Zimmern studied the menu with trepidation. "I think I'll have the

snausages.." The waiter started to say "But those are..." & then Chef Lector elbowed him & said "Excellent choice." He prided himself on using all the parts. Mr.Zimmern wouldn't be

some poor white trash coal miner's daughter of an FBI agent totally went "Single White Female" on him and was stalking him. Chef Lector was pitching his show to the Food Net

about all-microwave cookery & meals cooked from leftovers, but he (Chef Lector) was interrupted by the FBI agent stalker lady sticking his shoes in the microwave. "This tastes of

Murder, " she said. He was arrested for the Shoeless murders at Wiener and Still Champion. The newspapers crowed, "Shoeless Lector arrested while disguised as a chef, under alias.

Smith and Jones. Con men or Secret Agents? Ain't nobody got time for that. I knowed that Shoeless Lector was up to no good when he come around with all them books. Proust, Gogol,

Shoeless Lector set down the books in his bag and turned to me, "I bet you wanna know what's in these books huh" To be honest, not particularly.....

"These books got magic in 'em!" Shoeless Lector declared and I take a step back. "Well, nice to meet ya, Leccy, but I really oughta get going. Family, you know how it is."

Shoeless lector nodded so vigorously he rubbed a hole in the space-time continuum. That's when I realized that he didn't have a family, and for a brief moment I felt sorry for him.