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"Here lies the body of Edward Shakooftuplenetzer.

  • "Here lies the body of Edward Shakooftuplenetzer. His last name was too strange and such a hassle to spell, the people killed him so they didn't have to put up with this nonsense"
  • "Geez," Erma said. "Tough crowd back in 1860. Check out this grave over here, Paul." They walked over to a smaller, older tombstone and began to read the inscription when
  • they realised that the surname of the dead person was the same as Erma. So, they started thinking if that dead person could be a relative of her? But how could they investigate it?
  • This sounds like a job for... DUN da-da-DUN!! DETECTIVE MANATEE!!! The masked detective burst through the wall, leaving a hole shaped like a pitcher, and said "OH YEAH!", before
  • whipping out a plastic pitchfork and striking a majestic pose. Detective Manatee had always been quite famous for his theatrics, but this time he had gone too far.
  • The gathering crowd began to boo and launch soft, mushy tomatoes at the unfortunate sea creature. Red juices slid down Det. Manatee's slimy skin as he discarded the pitchfork.
  • "Fools!" Manatee screamed at the crowd with his last ounce of strength, "We sea creatures are the onces from whence you evolved!" Clamydia rose beside him onto the water's surface.
  • The crowd gasped at the sight of Clamydia. She was covered with putrid, oozing sores. "In three days," Clamydia declared. "All of you also will be infected!" Det. Manatee rubbed
  • one out and dared the sea monkeys to judge his fetish. Then he wiped himself up and wrapped his wide flippers around Clamydia as a shoulder to cry on. Clamydia started to glow and
  • after a bit Det. Manatee had to let go of her because she was burning his hide. The sea monkeys cooled him down with the ice sculpture while Clamydia walked into her own light. FIN
Started
2016-11-08 19:02:24
Finished
2018-05-23 00:41:30

5 Comments

  1. Avatar

    SlimWhitman May 24 2018 @ 03:52

    I think this gets the prize for weirdest Det. Manatee story.
  2. Avatar

    Wendillon May 24 2018 @ 05:43

    Is it bad that I think I'm becoming a fan of Det. Manatee?
  3. Avatar

    SlimWhitman May 24 2018 @ 16:30

    Oh no, Not bad at all. A sign of your fishy ripening on this site, I'd say.
  4. Avatar

    KieferSkunk Jan 09 2019 @ 20:24

    Just came back to read this story. Yeah, I think you're right, Slim - they don't get much weirder than that. :)
  5. Avatar

    LordVacuity Jan 09 2019 @ 20:47

    Clamydia true to her nature to the end. Manatee will remember her with every burning sensation in his loins.

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