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Squawkers flew up to the stage to receive

  • Squawkers flew up to the stage to receive the Tony Award for Best Actor for his role as Willy Loman in Death of a Salesman. This was the first time any parakeet had ever received
  • such an honor, and hoping to trump the Oscar given to Disney for Snow White, they made the Tony from gold-plated cuttlebone and spelled Squawker's name out in birdseed. A tear
  • of joy ran down Jimminy Fastersnatch's bionic cheek. The moisture stung his electric cheek a little, but it was welcome pain. To see his aviary lover win such an illustrious award
  • made his biomechanical brain fizzle and spark, awash in dopamine, oxytocin and motor-oil. "The winner for Chicken Concubine Owner of the year goes to Jimminy Fastersnatch!", boomed
  • Jimminy Fastersnatch, crying hysterically as he swigged noradrenaline from a flask and swiped helplessly with his trembling fists as his feathered hareem descended and began to pec
  • k at his pickled pepper. The adrenaline rush was to no avail. He found himself tied to his 4-poster. The top hen Lydia Paradise delighted tormenting the likes of Jimy Fastersnatch.
  • But Jimy Fastersnatch wasn't going to be outsmarted by no hen - even a hen as gorgeous as Lydia Paradise. "Hey, Lydia," he cooed, "peck at the ropes, they're made of worms!" He bou
  • nded up the stairs two at time just to be the first at the top. He was always a competitive jerk. Lydia had an ace up her sleeve though. She pushed Jimy Fastersnatch off the balcon
  • y, into the pool below. "Ha ha you sucker! How's your suede jumpsuit now Jimy!" Lydia Girthenshank raised her arms above her head in victory, accidentally causing her dress to fall
  • over her skinny hips. She was so ugly, Jimy went blind & never did get his suede jumpsuit back. Lydia Girthenshank ran willy nilly into the sunset, naked, mad, & forever bitter.

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