Janice pushed him down the stairs. Clunk.

Janice pushed him down the stairs. Clunk. Bang. Flash of light. Dark. When he came to he felt groggy. His vision was blurred. He called for help but bubbles escaped his mouth

in red blood. Janice's son ached from where each step had hit him. He knew these were the days you save your pills up for, to find the only liquor you've got is a hard lemonade.

There was a method to his madness.

He could calm everyone down, at last, after which he erased the board and started over. "Everything starts with the scale: If you

are a single frozen Birdseye pea that rolled off the pea knife, across the plate, caught some air and landed at the feet of the princess who recognizes you from the elk's dream

of mars. The elk dreams often of mars, and the princess has visited mars a few times. "Are you quite alright?" she asks. "Yes, fine" you answer gruffly, but perhaps a bit too gruff

as she grows silent. The elk decides to keep up the momentum asks the princess about Mars. "It's okay I guess. If you like stinky red planets. Nearly inhabitable if you ask me." Sh

e sulks. Another awkward silence. The elk picks up a little paddle that is lying on the table and says, "Ping Pong?" The princess replies, "I thought you'd never ask!" So the two

pings and pongs all night until Billybob shows up with a keg. The princess whole lives a sheltered life has never partaken of the fruits of the hops plant has ten too many. The Elk

stood alone in the moonlight, waiting for forever, with "Little Red Corvette" playing in the background, a sad ending to what started off as a decent party. Regrets tomorrow.