I had failed at being a bridge. I decided

I had failed at being a bridge. I decided then to become a hindrance.

It was a simple matter of timing the stop lights. By my standing in the crosswalk a few seconds late, traffic would be backed up for blocks. Hail Hydra!

They called it the Eighth Wonder of the World, the 24/7 traffic jam running through the city year round, and nobody knew that it was all because of me! Hail Hydra! But one day as I

was busy patting myself on the back a gangster grey Neon full of hamsters drove past and shot me in the ass with a dart

gun full of hippopotamus tranquilizer. I vaguely recall stripping down to my Spiderman Underoos and climbing what I thought was the Seattle Space Needle before the cops came and

transformed before my eyes into alligators. I'd never tried hippo tranquiliser before, but remarkably, it seemed to instill in me the same primal fears as a Common Hippopotamus.

I shot my grappling hook at the lip of the enclosure praying it would latch on to some uneven crag up top but it came clattering back to the ground. The shapeshifting alligators

kept changing forms to the best of their ability. I searched for another way up but the mountain was so steep that it was a death wish to climb without a harness.

My guide was a Sherpa named Shyam. He was a longtime companion of the dalai lama. I was given a makeshift harness made of horse yarn. Horse yarn was quite famous for its use by the