Growing up I was one to believe in treating

Growing up I was one to believe in treating everyone equally, I was taught that diversity is a beautiful thing.

So imagine my dismay when I woke up one night to find a burning cross had been planted in the middle of my front lawn.

Ah was never one to let uh good smore roast pass me by, so ah hustled me chillun outside with uh bag of Jet-Puff an' some Hersheys wit de grahams to share wit them pointy hat white

kids. Buh nobody understood me. I'm such uh truhbled soul, yuh know. Ah got no friends, 'cause ain't noobody got time to smoke Doritos in the wintah.

I raised my hands to the heavens and just then the sun came out and blinded my eyes. I lost balance, toppled backwards and landed in Donald Trump's

way as he was barreling toward a buffet table. The Donald tripped over me and landed face-down in a lemon gelatin salad with carrots in it. His face tightened into a knot as he

landed on a serving cart his weight had just put in motion towards the kitchen. One waiter gave a thought to stopping it but saw it was Trump threw up his hands and said "Hell no!"

Trump ate a whole roasted chicken from whole foods, saying to his supporters, "This is better than average, folks. Want some of it?"

I wasn't taking it. I wanted a taco. So I left to find a taco truck. I wandered around town for FORTY-FIVE minutes before I found one. "This is an outrage!" I told the taco guy.

He was unimpressed, and whacked me around the face with hard taco shells. That made my blood boil, so I exploded in a ball of flame, and took out the taco thug tastefully.