"Calories should be conserved, not wasted!

"Calories should be conserved, not wasted! Always take the elevator. Use a drive-in or have food delivered." Big Bob lowered the remote. Adi Johnson's late night infomercial

"Free to be Fat" was inspiring. Big Bob ordered the FTBF cookbook, cookware, and the magic chafing balm (for those potentially uncomfortable moments) AND b/c he was the 4th caller,

he also received the military all-purpose deep fat fryer, an appliance so huge that it can flash fry a rhino in 30 sec. during an all out assault. Big Bob was elated -- he had won

as top grill honcho. He wheeled the deep-fat fryer trailer in front of the neighbor's lawn. "Ain't she a beaut." Big Bob drawled opening a Bud. Sammy smiled "That's nothing,

" and Sammy Hagar opened a bottle of tequila. Sammy Hagar said, "I call it Cabo Wabo." Big Bob looked at his beer and then said, "David Lee Roth was the best." Sammy drained his

face of all color. "I call it Death," said Sammy, and he hit the floor stone cold dead. The tequila bottle fell over and the little sleepy-eyed worm came out, blinking in the light

and inching its way to the door. Before it left the tequila worm looked back at me standing by Sammy's dead body, liquor covering the floor. "J. Blair sends his regards," it said.

And I knew at that moment it was time for me to run. I ran as fast as my legs to handle far far away. Eventually I ended up in Australia. I decided I could hide here for a while.

I might have been able to escape physically, but I would always be see what happened flash before me every night as I laid down to sleep.

It was midnight when the lost naughty sheep came home. The cat shared her dinner with the sheep. They were both carnivores. Polly the sheep was a great companion. Who would have