59

Then she farted.

  • Then she farted.
  • And so I started digging a hole. And then the shovel broke and I was digging with a stick and I thought to myself "self, you need to step up right now Right now. One time." Powerfu
  • l motivation you'd think, but my Self said to myself, "Digging a hole with a stick? Come ON! What an idiot!!" I knew right then and there I needed to get rid of my negative Self
  • So I weeded through my junk drawer for the Self-removal tool. Finding none, I drove to IKEA to see if they had any extra lying around, but got distracted by Swedish meatballs. Self
  • love is all about the Swedish Meatballs. But I had no money and IKEA is not giving away Swedish Meatballs for free, well almost free. I snatched meatballs off a table, the security
  • guard none the wiser. Stuffing the Swedish meatballs under my elastic upper lip, I lollygagged around IKEA & pretended to innocently inspect the ligonberry pastries. I had hoped
  • that my meatball stuffed lips would give me an alluring trout pout, mesmerising the assistant into giving a 10% discount on a FRTWNGL bed. I stared into her eyes, projecting my tho
  • -rax against her ample bosom. I jutted my trout pout lips out as far as they would go. "10% off?" I murmured. She said, "I will BUY a FRTWNGL bed for you." Soon we were pushing the
  • FRTWNGL bed up the magic roundabout in Swindon. We'd made it this far without a mishap. It was the middle of the night when we got the FRTWNGL bed to the central roundabout.
  • I held my boyfriend's hand, caressing his palm. "It's okay," he whispered, a lone tear running down his cheek. "The FRTWNGL bed is part of my destiny." He walked into the sunset.
Started
2012-04-29 22:16:55
Finished
2014-08-23 13:09:16

10 Comments

  1. Avatar

    Sophia Aug 23 2014 @ 13:10

    Oh god. I had no idea what to write, nor what a FRTWNGL bed was. Haha.
  2. Avatar

    Gibber Aug 23 2014 @ 14:00

    Furtwängler?
  3. Avatar

    SlimWhitman Aug 23 2014 @ 19:55

    Well, I guess it's about time someone explained what FRTWNGL stands for, as I freely admit I have no furtwängling clue.
  4. Avatar

    lucielucie Aug 24 2014 @ 10:31

    FRTWNGL beds come in a variety of finishes and can be found in Ikea's Nazi Apologist range of bedroom furniture.
  5. Avatar

    lucielucie Aug 25 2014 @ 16:58

    I met a couple from New Zealand on holiday here today. They told me they were going to Swindon to visit family. I said: "If you're going to Swindon, you must visit the Magic Roundabout there. It's world famous." I could tell they were impressed. So thanks SW for extending my Swindon related knowledge.
  6. Avatar

    SlimWhitman Aug 26 2014 @ 19:28

    Just goes to show the waves we're making here on FS extend all the way to far off NZ - SW
  7. Avatar

    SlimWhitman Sep 10 2014 @ 20:29

    Fancy Rotating Tweed Waterbed with Noodle Gummybear Lining?
  8. Avatar

    lucielucie Sep 11 2014 @ 14:02

    Yes! I do fancy a tweed water bed with noodle gummy bear lining! http://foldingstory.com/qlh32/
  9. Avatar

    LordVacuity Nov 14 2016 @ 21:54

    Could you be more clear as to the rotating?
  10. Avatar

    SlimWhitman Oct 09 2017 @ 22:24

    I was thinking it was a round waterbed which rotated in a fashion similar to a merry-go-round. Somewhere there is probably a Lovehotel with a FRTWNGL-themed room.

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