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And now ladies and gentlemen, the moment

  • And now ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for, the highlight of the evening. I give you your contenders for Woman of the Century. First off we have
  • Mother Teresa (applause). Over in the other corner we have Ru Paul (thunderous applause). Let the Woman of the Century wrestling match begin! The crowd went wild as Mother Teresa
  • threw a sideways fallaway slam on RuPaul right out the gate. Blood poured out of RuPaul's ears. Mother Theresa climbed the turnbuckle, the Woman of the Century wrestling match
  • spontaneously broke out on cue and the brakes fell off of the lead car. Luckily Mother Theresa's lingerie had been a gift from M5 and as such was equipped with suppressing fire.
  • That's when the theme music started. "Secret Agent Priest / running from the Mexican police / with the Pirate Nun / they're always on the run." Mother Theresa cackled at the poor
  • cadence of the verse and slapped the composer's wrists with a wooden yardstick. But "Secret Agent Priest and Pirate Nun became a hit TV show because the general public does not
  • like it when others lie, cheat, and steal from the clergy. Pirate Nun had spoken to Jesus through prayer and a dove descended
  • upon the clergy, identifying that someone had a dirty secret, someone went against the vows those buccaneers made to the Good Lord, beckoning both St. Erasmus and St. Nicholas to
  • drop their proverbial drawers and expose their disease to the Bishop of Dirty Secrets, the Vicar of Indecent Ambiguities, the Supreme Pontiff of Unscrupulous Gloominess, Al Pacino.
  • A flourish of trumpets sounded as a red carpet rolled out. A girl threw rose petals before Al Pacino as he entered. Pacino, thinking it was 1975, chanted: “Attica! Attica! Attica!"

6 Comments

  1. LordVacuity Apr 20 2020 @ 19:04

    He should have been singing Frankie and Johnny.

  2. Woab Apr 23 2020 @ 17:30

    I thought "I'm dying, here..." might also work.

  3. LordVacuity Apr 24 2020 @ 01:48

    Hoooah!

  4. LordVacuity Apr 24 2020 @ 01:53

    He could ask to talk to his wife, Fredo Spaghettio. He can play DEVILS’S ADVOCATE. He can take the HEAT. He is like a second GODFATHER to so many.

  5. LordVacuity Apr 24 2020 @ 01:57

    Full disclosure, I am quite sure the wife’s name was not Fredo Spaghettio. It might be Sonny. But he was played by the same actor who played Fredo in The Godfather. I seem to remember … I think.

  6. Jimbeau Apr 24 2020 @ 03:27

    John Cazale appeared in five films over six years, all of which were nominated for the Academy Award for Best Picture: The Godfather, The Conversation, The Godfather Part II, Dog Day Afternoon, and The Deer Hunter.

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