Dan stepped into the darkened house. He paused,

Dan stepped into the darkened house. He paused, sensing he wasn't alone. He called out shakily, "Hello?" A long pause, then the lights flicked on. "Surprise! Happy Thanksgivukkah!"

Dan internalized his screams as he cheerfully acknowledged all the people who surrounded the plastic turkey with their expectant grins.The electric carving knife caused static

sounds as the turkey was really a robot! The turkey began shaking as sparks flew out of the machine. The guests started cracking up watching Dan panic.

Dan's panic was like nothing anyone else had seen. He would stiffen up like a board, keel over and vibrate like a jackhammer on a trampoline. The guests loved watching Dan's

Giffolette friends hang out at coffee shops and go to clubs, unaware that they are just blissfully ignorant. When they woke up, it was too late to save Dan from himself. They were

pallbearers even none of them knew what that meant. Dan's body was going to be thrown into the sea by his old shipmates on the Flying Dutchman. They, as pallbearers, would travel

all the way to the Bermuda Triangle before they clocked out for lunch. These guys were ruthless. No one met these guys and lived to tell the tale. The Flying Dutchman was the best

ship in the triangle, I saw it approaching over the horizon. I didn't know what to do, so I yelled to my captain, "CAPTAIN!

Ship Ahoy!” The Captain, highly inebriated & disturbed while having sex with the native girl, thought I was announcing cookies. “Chips Ahoy? My favorite! Bring ‘em here!” “No, Cap