The following is a list of those poor mascots

The following is a list of those poor mascots who perished at the hands of the cereal killer last summer: Crunchy Giraffe, Chocolate Cobra, The Marshmallow Maniac, Sugary Nelson,

Squidly the squishy squab & the late Captain Cookie. The still-at-large Cereal Killer had the cereal mascots quaking in their oats. This was a matter for

Cap'n Crunch. who some thought was nothing but a frosted flake. Nevertheless, he followed the milky trail. Who could the Cereal Killer be? The Captain reviewed his Chex list.

"Can this Cereal Killing be the result of a Shredded Wheat pillow fight gone wrong?" Toucan Sam asked. "Theeeeey're greaaat" announced a Tony the Tiger overflowing with psychosis.

It is really very sad to see what has become of Tony the Tiger. Turns out we have all been in on Tony's delusion of having many young friends. It is officiall, he had no friends!

He was really just a lonely old man furry, who had never had good company growing up. Never had a girlfriend or children. Grief drove him crazy. So he resolved to

shave his entire body in order to attract a mate and create progeny. But old man furry found that he could not cut through his dense fur. So he sent away for some Mat-B-Gon lotion

And the Lotion came. With quick application, he was left utterly hairless- Perfect for wooing his love upon the pedestal.

But, to his dismay, he found out later his matted remnants had come alive and stolen his bride to be and were on their hairymoon! Why did he even buy hair lotion in the first place

??! Then he got to thinking about all that had happened & how ridiculous it was for him to feel bad. He started to laugh when he realized she'd married...a TERATOMA!