With her scissors she snipped the cartilage

With her scissors she snipped the cartilage separating his nostrils. He woke up shrieking with a bloody face and

one huge nostril. True, the tip of his nose was gone, his grandmother was now a fiendish mutilator, he would be scarred for life and look utterly terrifying, but he'd snore no more

and having one huge nostril did wonders for his long-time passion for tuba-playing. He went on X-Factor (though they made him wear a paper bag over his head) and would have won if

it wasn't for the fact he couldn't sing. Weeks later he returned to his day job as Assistant Regional Manager at Lidl. It wasn't his dream but the money was good. That and the

the karaoke place next door made for some uncomfortable meetings. More than once, his bos had fixed him with a steely gaze, pressed a beer into his hand and

gave him sloppy, wet kisses, with tongue. His boss usually sang "It's Raining Men" on the machine, and he realized that this wasn't just a karaoke bar. The boss's high-cut shorts

were already far too tight, and as the transformation began, they began to tear. Tear like wet newspaper, revealing to everyone the throbbing specimen inside. "Hallelujah", he

screamed, doing the strange dance of the Blood Priest. "B'CHUGGEROTH HAS RETURNED!" He wanted to scream it to the very depths of hell. After all those years of

preaching the good word of his Lord, he finally understood its meaning. Falling to his knees he looked up to the sky and

a giant eye blue covering the horizon looked down. "Didn't think I was anthropomorphic did you?" the voice boomed.