Francis van Loewe woke early with fireworks

Francis van Loewe woke early with fireworks in his belly. An auspicious day, one of portentious omen. His gut told him get up on the right side, but put on the left slipper first.

His senses were slightly off-kilter in the mornings. Well, more off-kilter than usual. Tasting the color yellow was not something you'd consider normal.

But to him it was as normal as the kilt he pulled off every morning. He also heard the theme from "Flashdance" whenever he ate a tuna sandwich, so he tended to avoid those.

However, when he ate a roast beef panini the mighty chords of Beethoven's 5th erupted causing his kilt to frisson and jiggle like the lava streams of Mt Etna devouring tourists

I always get the cheap kilts he thought. No more buying Phillips Phantomtastic Finery. Billy tried to rescue the tourists but the kilt bit him hard. He tried removing it same answe

aring. Answearing was what his grandfather did whenever the boys would complain about their shoddy kilts, but now he felt the purpose of it. "Frigginkilts", I muttered, wishing

his grandpa had worn a different jacket, anything but that one. Its paisley pastel patterns clashed horribly with his red, green, and gold plaid kilt and knee-high socks. Fugly

as a dog with an inside-out snout. Sad as a 90's kid met with an original McDonald's happy meal furby in it's original packaging. Bad as a mom "borrowing" a kid's piggybank.

Dab because she skipped to my loo. She really needed to pee. Skipped to my loo because her father was reading War and Peace in hers. Drab because of how mundane it always seemed.

And this is the story of the dab loo.