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I'd finally arrived in the city of hallucinogenic

  • I'd finally arrived in the city of hallucinogenic mushrooms sold in shops that resembled supermarkets in a strange kind of way , of coffeeshops where coffee was never the main item

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  • which is actually not a hallucination because that's what's happened to coffeeshops. Coffee is not the main item. Nope. Now it's music, breakfast sandwiches, club cards and really

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  • high-end marijuana. Not the cheap stuff peddled by teenage boys, mind you. The really potent stuff that is usually reserved for Heads of State and rich beatniks looking for a good

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  • time. But Bill and Ted had a change of heart. This might be the greatest moment of their lives, but it would be wrong. President Reagan would have said so.

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  • That is, Reagan would have if Bill and Ted's time machine hadn't accidentally killed him on their last adventure. "No idea how the continuum will deal with that," Bill had said.

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  • If either he or Ted had known much about the inner workings of nefarious western politics, they'd have said Reagan's death was insignificant, as he followed Nixon's footsteps back

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  • to the 1900s, where they both drew guns and stepped back twenty paces. They aimed, but then suddenly Obama stepped in from another time loophole and said

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  • "Now look. Pacing off and shooting each other won't solve anything." But as Obama went on and on, enjoying his own eloquence, the two gunslingers nodded and sought another street f

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  • or their battle. They stood back to back, walked 10 paces, turned, and opened up dueling lemonade stands. Obama sampled both, and declared the two gunslingers' drinks to be equally

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  • horrific. "OBAMA BE DAMNED!" exclaimed the one, revealing a think Russian accent; reaching under his lemonade stand, he withdrew a short, stubby pistol, aimed at the sky and shot a

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