Sky was a shy girl with an iron will and
-
Sky was a shy girl with an iron will and a passion for Neil Sedaka. She had no friends, preferring the company of a lone pelican she met on the shore each morning. Only he
9 -
carried the avian bird flu, and her squishy little lonely life took a turn for the worse (as if it couldn't be worse, her friend was a Pelican) and she got real sick. She was hospi
6 -
tality-suite hostess at a pelican convention and all that clatter from their bills was giving her a headache. And most of the clients were just taking advantage of the free waxjob
8 -
"Wax on, wax off", the card said. I decided that Pelicans plan the worst conventions. Not a fish to be found anywhere. I searced my smartphone for a lemming gathering, called a cab
7 -
, and hopped in - the sound of indignant squawking at my back. I'd take lemmings over pelicans any day, today included as I headed to their shindig. They were the religious sort,
8 -
as evidenced by the fact that they deep-throated their young. I mean non-sexually, of course; there's a pouch in there, and they are pelicans after all. But I swear they're evil.
9 -
I once saw a pelican eat a pigeon. And another one mug an old lady. I swore to myself that I would end this pelican crime wave, by
8 -
taking the first born male pelican from each nest and sacrificing it in the name of scientific research. I'd murdered upwards of 100,000 pelicans under a sizable grant from NSF
9 -
in then name of science and the hopes of a special on the National Geographic channel. I'd already decided on the right hat & sunglasses. Was it an evil plan? If you consider
9 -
Jacque Cousteau once used explosives to census fish I don't see why razing a couple of rain forests would be such a problem. Call my agent.
9
- Started
- 2011-02-26 23:37:51
- Finished
- 2012-01-03 20:44:15
4 Comments
Want to leave a comment?
Sign up!
Chaz Jan 03 2012 @ 20:48
(I kinda feel bad for the pelican.)
49erFaithful Jan 03 2012 @ 22:52
You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs (or in this case, murdering upwards of 100,000 first born male pelicans). Ecologically, taking the females would be much worse for the species. Further research funding is desperately needed to protect the helpless pigeon and let's not forget the old ladies!
SlimWhitman Jan 04 2012 @ 04:19
Old ladies too are part of the great web of life. Scientific aside: Don't they census species living on a rainforest tree by putting a net over it and fumigating it and then counting what drops down?
49erFaithful Jan 04 2012 @ 12:13
I've heard about that method. But physiologists are the worst. Often times animals are subjected to various "challenges" (i.e., cold challenge, endurance challenge, parasitic infestation challenge) and then opened up to examine the effects. I'm no PETA activist but the ethical cost/benefit analysis gets pretty tricky.