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Fact: One in four house fires are caused

  • Fact: One in four house fires are caused by a drunk person trying to cook food. Also a fact: Mort had just fired up the stove and was about to add to the statistics.
  • You would think instructions on a Pizza "Please take contents out of box before cooking." might be obvious. But with a fifth of Jim Beam in the system, Mort had to call the VFD.
  • VFD stood for Very Freaky Dude. VFD appreciated the invite to come over for some pizza. He didn't even notice Mort baked the pizza in the box because he had the munchies so bad.
  • VF Dude had shaved his head & braided his nostril hairs around his nose ring.He licked left over anchovies from the ring as he rolled a VF Doobie.Mort's girlfriend Mona stared @VFD
  • with total unpasteurized resignation. She'd quit a long time ago and this was as good as it would ever get. VF Dude wafted his own smell into his nostrils and said to Mort's Girlfr
  • iend:'Whoah, killawiffah dude!' The moment she turned to him and got just a whif of his sent in her nose, she turned green and fainted. Mort looked upset and emitted his own stench
  • which in turn caused Wally to counter with a complete evacuation of his bowels. When the elevator doors opened
  • , revealing the Wally-topped pile of dead people with evacuated bowels, the office folk left them there and used the stairs instead. A new era of health and wellness began. Thanks,
  • Industrial-Strength Ex-Lax. Thank you for this pile of corpses and defecation. It's like viewing the programming list for Comedy Central. Once on the roof, the office folk gasped
  • in collective convoluted emotion.The sights, the sounds, the smells, the laughter and yes, the tears. But it was a day like any other day, right? Now 5 pm, they beat a path home.
Started
2011-12-09 19:47:41
Finished
2013-02-19 18:57:36

5 Comments

  1. Avatar

    PurpleProf Feb 19 2013 @ 19:09

    VF Story.
  2. Avatar

    49erFaithful Feb 19 2013 @ 19:13

    Startin ta think Chaz knew VFD would go somewheres unexpected. Started to comment, but then http://foldingstory.com/t3v39/
  3. Avatar

    Zetawilk Feb 19 2013 @ 20:17

    I thought it was Volunteer Fire Department. Oh well, those Baudelaire kids ought to know.
  4. Avatar

    Chaz Feb 20 2013 @ 08:03

    Got it one Green Banana! Volunteer Fire Department. Problems of limited space. Inspired by this song. http://www.michelleshocked.com/chords_vfd.htm
  5. Avatar

    Zetawilk Feb 20 2013 @ 20:31

    When the VFD story arc started up in Unfortunate Events, that was my guess whilst traveling along the dreaded Post Road. Man, I miss reading. Last thing I read was "The Color Out of Space" (with the infamous "blasted heath") and was amazed at how I was able to let myself get carried away with the narrative and creeped out by it (even if I was reading it aloud to my cat). I really don't know what's keeping me from reading more (aside from a lack of books).

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