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Once, there was a woman so blonde, even the

  • Once, there was a woman so blonde, even the sun envied her. He hair fell in long gold curls down her back. She had a small nose, red lips, bright eyes. She was perfect. Except...

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  • what is perfection but an unattainable ideal? All, even a beautiful blonde woman, is a shadow seen on a cave wall. The sun, who creates shadows, realized this and surrendered envy.

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  • Of course, surrendering envy allowed the sun to think it was entitled to some play with the ladies. Screw perfection when a real good screw was involved. Sensitive stars

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  • Understood and began a slow spiral in their orbits. Soon the galaxies joined as well. And finally, this kulpa, the Multiverses. General Custer received the award on our behalf.

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  • And the cosmos swelled with warm enjoyment, finally one with the humans they had envied for so long. General Custer, however, was not so pleased. His thoughts on the matter:

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  • "Who asked yew? Why don't plant yourself right there. I can do this on my own!" Custer charged hastily into the garden. The flowers wondered whether he would ever learn

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  • as the armies of Chief Crazy Daisy and Sitting Tulip attacked him with giant choking clouds of pollen. Custer fell to his knees, clutching his chest and poking a finger on a medal.

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  • The medal poked him back. "Woah there, you can't just go around poking me!" The medal shouted. "Us medals deserve more than just a poke as thanks! We need retribution!" The medal

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  • shouted. He quickly stood up and started to walk away from his owner. “I hate you now” the medal shouted.

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  • "Oooh, you're in for a smelting!" His owner screamed, dragging the medal into the kitchen. He began to heat the stove but the medal formed a noose and leapt onto his throat.

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