Once, there was a woman so blonde, even the

Once, there was a woman so blonde, even the sun envied her. He hair fell in long gold curls down her back. She had a small nose, red lips, bright eyes. She was perfect. Except...

what is perfection but an unattainable ideal? All, even a beautiful blonde woman, is a shadow seen on a cave wall. The sun, who creates shadows, realized this and surrendered envy.

Of course, surrendering envy allowed the sun to think it was entitled to some play with the ladies. Screw perfection when a real good screw was involved. Sensitive stars

Understood and began a slow spiral in their orbits. Soon the galaxies joined as well. And finally, this kulpa, the Multiverses. General Custer received the award on our behalf.

And the cosmos swelled with warm enjoyment, finally one with the humans they had envied for so long. General Custer, however, was not so pleased. His thoughts on the matter:

"Who asked yew? Why don't plant yourself right there. I can do this on my own!" Custer charged hastily into the garden. The flowers wondered whether he would ever learn

as the armies of Chief Crazy Daisy and Sitting Tulip attacked him with giant choking clouds of pollen. Custer fell to his knees, clutching his chest and poking a finger on a medal.

The medal poked him back. "Woah there, you can't just go around poking me!" The medal shouted. "Us medals deserve more than just a poke as thanks! We need retribution!" The medal

"Oooh, you're in for a smelting!" His owner screamed, dragging the medal into the kitchen. He began to heat the stove but the medal formed a noose and leapt onto his throat.