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John was nervous about his audience with

  • John was nervous about his audience with the pope, but he was sure he could convince him to sponsor Pabst Blue Ribbon. Why not pop a tall boy during mass instead of serving wine?
  • And so, John donned his wine server outfit and entered the room. As he approached the very tall pope, he slowly pulled out a gun. He aimed, and popped a cap in the pope's ass.
  • But it was the pope's ass, so like his pope mobile, he had a pope boxer briefs too, that was bullet proof. So the pope turned around to see who shot him. John put the gun behind
  • The Pope's head and pulled the trigger. Then John became a pit bull and bit the police. Then John became a toy poodle mix. Being a mutt had its advantages, one was you were quite
  • capable of making yourself into any of the breeds in your mix the other was that no one could identify the culprit. I turned to a life of crime and went to fetch something awesome.
  • I ran around, barking at strangers and chewing on their clothes. Though they looked down at me in disgust, their faces quickly changed when I flashed my irresistable puppy eyes.
  • Then one day my puppy eyes didn't work anymore. People didn't see me as a puppy anymore. They thought I was pathetic. I was 32 and still a human virgin. Turns out I have dyslexia.
  • Which explains a little too much. I guess you could say life was rolling downhill fast, until I got a job at as a test subject... my mom doesn't like that there's no
  • compensation for my now permanently twitching eye, but it pays the bills. The only problem now is that the really ugly girl down the street who likes me thinks I'm winking at her.
  • The good part is that I can only intermittently see her with my twitchy eye, so it's not so bad. So I will make her my bride and we will have many twitchy-eyed children together.
Started
2014-01-29 19:16:48
Finished
2019-05-08 13:09:12

2 Comments

  1. Avatar

    PurpleProf May 08 2019 @ 21:29

    MoralEnd's fold caused me to spew my gin & tonic all over myself. Too bad he's not "here" anymore.
  2. Avatar

    SlimWhitman May 12 2019 @ 13:57

    Yes, one can only hope this story reaches him eventually. Since its somewhat obscure, I'll mention that in German "Pabst" sounds a lot like "Papst" which means pope. Actually, come to think of it, maybe it's also an onomatopoeia for the sound of popping a beer tab.

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