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Aslan's claws tore through the underbrush

  • Aslan's claws tore through the underbrush like Valyrian steel through Orc flesh. He had to reach King's Landing before the White Witch sacrificed Gandalf to the Drowned God.
  • "And they lived happily ever ever." I put the book down & the group of rabid 1st graders just started at me with their evil beady little eyes. "Well class, look at the time, time 4
  • Teacher Juice!" I snuck behind my desk and swigged some Highland Park Scotch. Oh sweet Jesus, help me not strangle another 1st grader this year. They might catch me this time if
  • I have to bury one more body under the Chuck E. Cheese. I would have quit being a teacher at this school if it wasn't for my in-laws. They put a lot of pressure on me.
  • So I cull the weakest performing munchkins in my class. I'm human, and yes, I sometimes feel bad. But standards must be maintained. I hit all my targets so my in-laws made me head
  • less. Boy, did my remaining students get a kick out of THAT! Can't you just picture it? Me, headless, alive & standing in my classroom, my zombie in-laws munching on munchkins.
  • "You really lost your head this time!"cried a student. "Quiet, or I'll sic my mother-in-law on you!" I groaned. She was in fact already lumbering towards them, zombified & drooling
  • molecular acid. Having a zombified xenomorph for a mother-in-law has its advantages, particularly in academia. The students froze, and I called her off. Replacing my head atop my
  • tail, I began my metamorphosis into my final form, backing the terrified class of teenagers and young adults back into a corner. Being the son of a zombie xenomorph queen and a
  • Half-Blood Super Saiyan, my body mutated into an undead xenomorph with really strong hair and a gold aura. I was nigh invincible, until one of them pulled a flamethrower out.

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