Zombies are functioning members of our society,

Zombies are functioning members of our society, just like you and me. Now I don't want to hear any complaints about prejudice, because after all, we are all equal. Except they get

less rights, because they are zombies. That doesn't make me prejudiced or anything, just stating the facts.

I'm an excellent fact stater. Pride and prejudice and zombies don't necessarily go together. While I was pondering such things, a zombie couple shuffled over. "Getting to gnaw you,

" they moaned ironicly. "Good one." I repled unenthusiastically. "Rude!" said the Mrs, Zombie as they shuffled away. I loooked up and shouted at them, "Hey! Your STENCH is rude!"

Having already lost Mrs. Zombie's attention, my shouting only attracted the other zombies who hadn't had the blessings of my armpits yet. I didn't trust my armpits to protect me to

-tally, but were certainly the focus of my body odor, which seemed to also serve as my body armor. As the zombies approached, I bore my armpits at them, and they shrank away

in horror, their rotting lips curled upwards in disgust. The fetid stench emanating from my armpits repelled all of the rancid, decaying zombies until I was standing alone in the

showers. I never should have joined the Herbert West High soccer team. I'd heard that bullying was rampant among the undead, but I hadn't been prepared for their unyielding cruelty

, the kind that pushed them to use my scrotal sac as a soccer ball replacement whenever the zombie felt like it. How can positive thinking help me now? I'm surrounded by