After being stopped countless times in customs

After being stopped countless times in customs due to my adermatoglyphia,I developed synthetic fingerprints from breathable membrane used in contacts. What started as a convenience

mart had turned into my criminal training ground. My fingerprintless hands allowed me to steal from the mart and not get caught. But I was caught on video. Instead of turning me in

to an internet pariah, the store manager made me an offer. "My wife is having an affair with nearly everyone at the country club. And I don't even have a membership!" He removed a

letter from his title, & I got the picture. The store manger deserved that country club membership, I thought, especially since he'd already given them a cunt they could use. Filth

Was the currency of sloth and paying off student debt. "Want to improve your credit rating? Call Peanut Butter. Get free food and gym memberships too." The ad on the bus read by

zantine inc. "Your daily peanut needs, to support an empire!" I chuckled and handed my loan to the sloth debt-collector. "Fine day?" he asked me. "Quite fine" and I loaded my gun

-ny sack with everything that remained and left town that very night. As I walked to the train station I swore I could smell peanuts every now and then, and once I thought I heard

jingling bells and high-pitched laughter. I stopped in my tracks and whirled around. I caught a glimpse of something bright in the darkness. No - it couldn't be!

Something swift knocked me over and I looked up to see a reindeer standing over me. His bright nose nearly blinded me. "Rudolph..." I rasped.

"Nahhhh...(burp)....isss me, Uncle Joe-y!" Oh GAWD! Stumbling into me, Uncle Joe's breath stank to high heaven. "MAARRY Chisssmuss!" he said, right before he puked on me. Aw, CRAP!