There once was a boy from Madras. He always

There once was a boy from Madras. He always came last in class.

He was naught but a fool, fond of derping and drool, with a penchant for jarring his gas... So we were all shocked that he went on to be the most successful man in the history of

replace Oprah as a daytime demigod. Guests would drone on about their latest book or movie. He would feign interest and then say his catchphrase, "Nope, Don't gettit!" The ratings

game only made his listless. "This month, I'm doubling my tequila intake!" he vowed and promptly went out for a case of Torada, little pickled worms at the bottom of each bottle.

What he didn't know was that one of the worms in his bottle of tequila was placed their by the Prince of Darkness. The acid in his stomach would wake it up, and then it would

wriggle & jiggle & wriggle inside him. He'd swallow three lizards from a bottle of three lizard liquor hoping the lizards would swallow the tequila worm that wriggled & jiggled &

danced in the bottom of my stomach. It felt wierd with the tequila worm still alive and 3 lizards all trying to eat it. I got sick a few hours after and I...

3 lizards?! Trying to eat it!?!?!?! Oh God, oh man, oh God, oh man, oh God, oh man, oh God, oh man

The 3 lizards killed the poor jewish child and all lived happily ever after..