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The steak lay quietly in its styrofoam tray,

  • The steak lay quietly in its styrofoam tray, tightly wrapped in plastic, tormented by nightmares. It could neither scream nor thrash nor even shudder at its horrific dreams. No one
  • knew the vein throbbing anxiety of the grade A steak. It wasn't because it's freshness date had expired that it squrimed like a maggot infested cutlet. The steak had a blood curdl
  • ing scream when cut into. As the woman started to cut the steak, she heard it - a banshee like shriek that stopped the second her knife stopped its handiwork
  • She alerted the waiter. "Problem Miss?" "My steak is screaming." "Happens all the time." He snapped his fingers, "Exorcist!"
  • The exorcist was a native American shaman, wearing animal furs with the heads and legs still on them and deer antlers sticking out in unlikely places. He placed her screaming steak
  • inside an old wooden bowl. He continued by pouring a large amount of chewing gum over the screaming steak. The steak took a piece of gum and started chewing it, with fleshy teeth.
  • No one noticed the old crinkly man in the corner until it was too late. "I told you so!" he cackled & pointed his gnarly finger at the steak. "Now GO!" he commanded & the steak
  • gristled with irritation. The steak was tough & no one, least of all an old fart, would tell it what to do. With supernatural strength, the steak launched itself at the old man,
  • screaming in rage as it collided with his face. The old man flew backwards off of his chair, slamming into a wall. The steak laughed maniacally and flew away into the night.
  • It's not often that steaks get away--their lives are nasty, brutish and short. But this steak flew hard to India where it lived in a temple garden until the end of its life.
Started
2014-09-18 20:12:34
Finished
2014-11-08 18:28:42

6 Comments

  1. Avatar

    earthquakes Nov 08 2014 @ 18:49

    Didn't know the steak couldn't scream, but I LOVED this one.
  2. Avatar

    lucielucie Nov 09 2014 @ 12:11

    Love the steak chewing w/ fleshy teeth - haha
  3. Avatar

    SlimWhitman Nov 09 2014 @ 13:24

    I decided not to link to the poltergeist steak scene - but if you're really curious, you'll find it. Warning: Don't view after a meal.
  4. Avatar

    Chaz Nov 11 2014 @ 18:18

    The difference between: Man eating steak. and: man-eating steak.
  5. Avatar

    SlimWhitman Nov 11 2014 @ 18:52

    A dash of something...
  6. Avatar

    Chaz Nov 12 2014 @ 00:47

    Touché or Touchy, depending :)

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